If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
  If you don't, you are not a man
  If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
  If you don't, you are good for nothing
  If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
  If you don't, you are not understanding
  If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
  If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
  If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
  If you don't, you are a dull boy
 
  If you are jealous, she says it's bad
  If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
  If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
  If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
  If you visit another woman, you're not putting in "quality time"
  If she is visited by another man, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
  If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
  If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
  If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
  If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
  If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
  If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just
    admiring
  If you talk, she wants you to listen
  If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
  So simple, yet so complex  So weak, yet so powerful
  So confusing, yet so desirable
  So damning, yet so wonderful ... WOMEN!

If you kiss him, he kisses you back
If you don't, he patiently waits
If you praise him, he says thanks you
If you don't, he feels secure in your love
If you agree to all his likes, you have met your fantasy man
If you don't, you still get along
If you visit him often, he welcomes you every time
If you don't, he'll visit you instead
If you are well dressed, he says you are beautiful
If you don't, you are still beautiful
If you are jealous, he reassures you and holds you
If you're not, he gives you no reason to be
 
If he is late, he apologizes and makes it up to you
If he is visited by another woman, you are secure that he loves only you
If you kiss him once in a while, he's appreciative of your affection
If you kiss him often, he will always have you on his mind
If he fails to help you in crossing the street, you know you're a big girl
If he does, he shows that he'll always be there for you
If you stare at another man, he knows that you're only admiring
If he is stared at by other women, you know why -- he's one hot babe
If you talk, he'll always listen
If you listen, he'll tell you anything you want to know

In short:
So complex, yet so direct
So strong, yet so supportive  So dazzling, yet so humble
So passionate, yet so marvelous...